Avg Score
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Writing
Detail
Voice
Reflection
Curiosity
Contribution
Counselor Note
You’ve written a clear, well-organized story about a difficult moment and the lesson you learned from it. The narrative of striking out and then reflecting with your team is easy to follow. The essay's main weakness, however, is that it tells a very common story about sports and teamwork without revealing enough about you specifically. Phrases like 'I learned a valuable lesson' and metaphors like the 'broken cog' feel familiar and prevent your unique voice from coming through. The next draft is your opportunity to make this story unmistakably yours by replacing general statements with concrete details and deeper, more personal insights. The goal is for the reader to feel like they've met you, not just heard a familiar story.
"Brutally Honest Feedback" from Esslo
This is a textbook sports cliché essay. The applicant describes a failure, a moment of reflection, and a tidy lesson about teamwork. It is entirely generic. There are no specific details, no names, no unique descriptions, no sense of place, that would distinguish this experience from any other athlete's. The voice is flat and uses worn-out phrases like 'high-functioning machine' and 'broken cog.' The reflection that selfishness is bad and teamwork is good is superficial and expected. I learn that the student plays baseball and can articulate a simple moral, but I learn nothing about their personality, their intellectual curiosity, or what makes them a unique individual. The essay fails to reveal a person. It only presents a common trope. It reads like an assignment to write about learning a lesson, not a genuine piece of self-expression.
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Compare Your Essay
Here's how your essay ranks against 50,000+ Common App personal statements scored this application cycle.
Overall
Better than 15% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Writing
Better than 76% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Detail
Better than 14% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Voice
Better than 2% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Reflection
Better than 37% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Curiosity
Better than 6% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Contribution
Better than 27% of essays scored by Esslo this cycle.
Writing
Detail
Voice
Reflection
Curiosity
Contribution
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